Embracing Summer Vibes and Everyday Mishaps

Last Updated: June 9, 2024By

Embracing Summer Vibes and Everyday Mishaps

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Monday: Summer Dreams

Hey, summer’s finally here! The sun is shining, and everywhere you look, there’s advice on how to look your best. This year, I’m feeling optimistic – maybe this time those Summer Style Tips will actually work for me! I’ve been eagerly reading these for over 30 years, hoping each summer would be my stylish breakthrough. But guess what? Nope, not happening. Apparently, my summer dilemmas can only be solved if I magically shed half my body weight or if one of my parents was a gazelle. Seriously?

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Once again, the advice includes manicures, pedicures, facials, fake tans, exfoliation, depilation – so many -ations! I can’t even keep up. It’s like they think we all have hours to spare just to look semi-presentable. What about us regular folks who just stick to basic hygiene? Another summer of being a dumpy, hairy woman who avoids skirts due to chafing and sandals because of, well, less-than-delicate feet. Maybe next year will be my year.

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Tuesday: Historic Graffiti

So, here’s a cool tidbit. At Dover Castle in Kent, they found this old door from 1790 covered in graffiti by bored soldiers from back when Britain was at war with France after the French Revolution. Over 50 images are carved into the wood, including one of a guy in a bicorn hat (a fancy officer’s hat) being hanged. Some say it’s a soldier’s fantasy of Napoleon’s defeat.

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It made me wonder, how long would it take for the graffiti from my school to become valuable? Our desks were full of carvings, and the toilet doors had plenty of felt-tip masterpieces. No historic battles or legendary figures, but a fascinating look at 80s teenage drama. I bet historians would have a field day with “Slags,” “Bitches,” “Virgins,” “Boffins,” and Anna-Marie’s detailed love life offerings. No naval heroes, but a treasure trove for anyone wanting to decode teenage social hierarchies.

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Wednesday: Guitar Diplomacy

Imagine this: the American government might soon be a mess again. But right now, let’s not worry. Everything’s pretty chill. Case in point, US Secretary of State Antony Blinken popped into a Kyiv bar with his guitar during a surprise visit. He played Neil Young’s “Rockin’ in the Free World,” giving a little guitar diplomacy a try.

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Honestly, I’m glad I’m not in Blinken’s shoes. I’d think that delivering weapons would help more than playing some out-of-tune dad rock. The Ukrainians have been under siege for two and a half years – I’d feel pretty embarrassed offering a song instead of much-needed supplies. Plus, the song is actually a critique of the US, not a patriotic anthem. But hey, Blinken got to live his rockstar fantasy, and we all got a reminder that things could get a lot worse if Trump gets re-elected. And Nigel Farage will be smirking through it all.

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Thursday: Lost and Confused

I’ve decided I’m never leaving the house alone again. I’ve tried walking to four different places this week and got lost every single time. What should have been a 20-minute walk to the optician took me an hour. Yes, even with Google Maps. I can’t even follow those blue dots properly. The app keeps asking if I want to “re-centre” – like, don’t we all? It tells me to head “north-west down X Street,” but if I knew what north-west was, I wouldn’t need Google Maps, would I?

My sense of direction was never great, but now it’s practically non-existent. Unless I get a specially trained dog to guide me, I’m staying put. I’ll be in my study if you need me – that is, if I can find it.

Friday: The Portal Problem

Remember that massive fiber-optic “portal” that lets people from one side of the world see those on the other side? It was supposed to connect New York to Dublin and be a bridge that unifies us, staying up until autumn. Well, it’s been shut down.

Apparently, they need to figure out how to stop “inappropriate behavior” in front of it. Good luck with that! The thing is, put a camera and an audience of strangers together, and the universal instinct is to act out. Flashing your bum or your boobs becomes almost irresistible. If you can resist, you’re admirable but not quite in tune with common humanity. A portal that doesn’t get this is just not going to work.

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